Blog

Saying yes to a placement around the holidays adds such interesting complexities to the already complex “yes” of foster care. 

Will the agency allow them to travel with us to go visit family out of state? Will they miss a visit over Christmas and lose the opportunity to see biological family if they do? Are they already in school/daycare, or will I need to take off work to care for them? Will this child’s needs infringe upon or conflict with the existing needs of the other children in our home that we are caring for? Are we prepared to navigate the emotional complexity and mental demand of caring for this precious soul during this already stressful time of year?

We said yes to taking placement of a newborn about 10 days before Christmas. We were told she only needed a temporary placement and that there was a family member lined up for a few weeks from now. We did the “normal” things we’ve done for newborn placements before - place a pickup order with formula and diapers and other basics, head to the hospital for discharge, talk with the nurses, etc. But what was infinitely more complex was asking the caseworker about visits. 

Most agencies are closed for around two weeks during the holidays. When you have a new placement, that really leaves you in a weird place (imagine how much moreso it leaves the child’s biological family in a hard place!). For us, no one knew when visits would start, no one knew when we’d receive the initial stipends to get the baby the basics she needed, and we didn’t have a caseworker assigned to the case yet to be able to ask any questions to, so we were always getting bounced around from person to person. We were approved to travel with our new placement to go out of town to be with family over the holidays, and I just kept emailing and nagging the people at our agency to remind them that they hadn’t scheduled a visit for this baby to see her parent/s yet. I told them I was willing to FaceTime/phone call with the parent/s even. What ended up happening was that the agency viewed a timely visit far less urgently than I did, and the baby went almost a month before having a visit to see her parent/s. We sent lots of printed pictures of baby girl on her first visit after the holidays, with a note telling the parent/s that we are here to support their family. 

Practical things that we did with getting a new placement so close to Christmas and new years - we bought a stocking for her, bought last minute matching pajamas for her, bought age appropriate presents - basically everything we would want her to have to feel loved and accepted and cared for during her first Christmas. Even though she was too young then to recognize those things, our older children watch and participate and learn, and we recognized that if she were to leave our home, she would have pictures and tangible items to help her piece together those pivotal first days and weeks of her life. 

This holiday season, don’t be afraid to say yes - maybe for you that's saying yes to welcoming a child into your home or saying yes to taking that first step in becoming a foster parent - but we should all especially say yes to being part of someone's village this holiday season. There are so many ways we can all come together for the sake of the children who need a safe space to live and be over the holidays!